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Old 08-12-2019, 10:44 AM
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Ferrer Ferrer is offline
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I'm digging up this because... it fits I want to have a little bit of a rant.

As many of you know I have recently bought a BMW M140i. It is a lovely car... if a little bit absurd. It is quite possibly the fastest car I will ever own and maybe even the best one. I try to enjoy it as much as I can when can.

Unfortunately about a month a go I also switched jobs, and my new job requires... commuting. Now, commuting in a 340bhp car, capable of making mince meat of 99% of cars you are going to cross with is useless if the top speed on your fifteen mile commute is... 56mph.

But that is not the worst part, oh no. We are now in August and everyone is on holiday. So my commute is free of traffic jams. For the other 11 months of the year my commute will be packed full of cars and my top speed will probably be around 12mph. So a straight six monster becomes not useless but rather completely stupid.

For reasons I won't bother you with, I will spend the next 20 days or so (oh by the way, in case it wasn't clear, new job means no holidays) commuting in a Smart Forfour Turbo. Now, since the car has been with the family for about four years I have already driven it extensively before and I didn't like it one bit. But now it's been some months since I last drove and I thought, well let's give it another chance... maybe it isn't so bad.

Well I'm afraid to report it is. It certainly isn't a car you buy because of the precise engineering. The stop-start system takes ages to restart the engine at the lights, the radio is rubbish, if you've got the stop-start on it judders every time you come to a halt, the break feel is weird, the throttle mapping configuration is all wrong (25% of throttle input gives you 75% of the power), the gearbox insists on going everywhere in 6th bogging the engine down, it is badly affected by cross winds and never mind taking it above 80mph. Oh and it is really rather expensive. Its only redeeming features are manoeuvrability and a tight turning circle, which make you king of the city.

So it's like a moped. Only you can't park it anywhere in the city because it is actually a car and not a motorbike.

As you can see, it is as bad as I remembered. I wouldn't buy one in a million years. But today, that is besides the point.

The point is, this afternoon, coming back from work I was stopped at a set of lights and the latest Katy Dandee tune came on the radio and while I waited something amazing happened. I started dancing. Well, when I say dancing I actually mean moving about clumsily in an asynchronous and terrible way.

And then I got it. What it was, is a happy car. Well not mine, mind you, because the one I'm driving is black and white which makes dull and dreary and boring. And that is, my friends, wrong. Happy cars demand happy colours. This Smart car should be orange or yellow or light blue or something funky and different. Not the colour you choose for your brand new S-Class because you are seventy and retiring from the accounting job you had and you are on your third Merc S-Class.

So, since I may need, in the near future, a car for commuting I decided to start shopping around for something happy and yellow. Or light green perhaps. Now, if you don't want to break the bank or look like Victoria Adams (and trust me, no one wants that) there are only four options. The Nissan Micra, the CitroŽn C3, the Renault Twingo and the Suzuki Ignis.

The Nissan Micra is... well a Nissan. You certainly don't want to drive around in a Nissan, because Nissan's aren't happy cars. And the only wheels available from the factory are silver. So that's a no.

Next stop is the C3. You can get in orange from the lowest trim levels. The problem is, that in the lowest trim level you get black plastic mirrors and hubcaps which isn't very funky... but don't despair there's still hope. In another, higher, trim level with another, silly, name you can get it in blue... with... wait for it with a red roof! How good is that!?! Unfortunately the trim separating the red roof and the blue body panels is... not white (it's black). So it had the makings of a great choice, let down by a poor choice of contrasting colour. We were so close to driving around in a french car with a french flag...

The Twingo is interesting. It will probably be just as bad as the Smart, but much, much cheaper. In the Renault's case there are two trim levels, the base one and higher one called Le Coq Sportif... which is french for The Sporting Cock. This frenchies never cease to amaze me. Anyway, I digress. The thing is, the colour choice for the Golden Cock model is... wait for it... black, silver or white. If you go for the lower one you can get it in yellow, but if you pay more you get less choice? What the hell are they on about?

And that leaves us with the Suzuki Ignis. I like Suzukis a lot, they are like Mazdas, only smaller, funkier and with a greater sense of humour, but still with a dose of cleverness in them. The Ignis is a lovely looking thing, it's small and light and it is available with a mild hybrid system for stellar fuel economy. It is also available in orange.

So my next car is an orange Suzuki Ignis. Fight me.
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