The thing is, you can understand the Germans. They have no sense of humour and can't name cars either. I mean why name you car a Phaeton when it isn't one? Not that naming cars after food ingredients is better anyway... So, of course alphanumeric model names suit their no-nonsense and rather boring demeanour.
However, on the complete opposite corner, Americans have quite possibly the best names in the business. Names like Thunderbird, Barracuda, Charger, Cougar, Riviera, Eliminator, Boss or Eldorado not only are legendary but evocative in themselves; they are names you want to own and drive. So it is, not only pathetic, but surprising that Cadillac has decided to roll out this new naming convention, which incidentally is even worse than the previous, itself not terribly good.
The bad news do not end there though, because not only Cadillacs now handle and go fast (they've been doing so for some years now) they have turbocharged four cylinder engines. Four bangers! In a Cadillac! If I wanted a German sports saloon I'd buy one, but buying the American copy certainly doesn't make any sense to me.
Now before someone accuses me of going against progress (which I almost never do) and the times (which I almost always do) I acknowledge that current Cadillacs are probably the best the brand has ever made and that if you bought one you'd probably very happy with it.
But if you did just so and someone came up to you and asked "So, Fer, what do you drive these days?" you'd have to answer "Oh a brand new DR4T-LT/4T!" followed immediately by explaining that it still is a Cadillac and that one of its cylinders of the 4 cylinder engine alone makes more power than the whole engine of the brilliantly smogged 500 cubic inch V8 motor of an '76 Eldorado Convertible, as everyone knows the last ever true American Convertible.
Which brings us neatly to the latest Chrysler 300S Hemi. Yes, the Chrysler is probably not as good as the new FTG56/S-Turbo 16v, it's not as fast, or as economical, nor handles as well or has as many toys. But the big Mopar needs no apologies, no explanations. It has a big V8 motor, brash unashamed styling and if someone asks you car are you driving you say "a Hemi".
The end.
So, if I was an American I would, no doubt, settle for the worse car. Because it is 16 foot of what matters.
Cadillac, forget about trying to be German. Bring back the (pillared if necessary) hardtop and the V8 (which as has been shown in the Corvette can be 21st century modern and still retain its character). And finally bring back names like Eldorado or Fleetwood. You can do all of this while still making good cars, it's not necessarily one thing or the other.
PS. Lincoln realised, correctly, that those alphanumeric monikers are meaningless and aptly named their new car... drum roll please... the Continental. So they are kind of halfway there I guess...
Lack of charisma can be fatal.
Visca Catalunya!