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Thread: Funny Jokes ... WARNING: may offend

  1. #2236
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    I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today.

    When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.

  2. #2237
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    Quote Originally Posted by IWantAnAudiRS6 View Post
    I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today.

    When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.
    OMG

  3. #2238
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    random pictures,

    ha ha
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Once fanboyism infects you it impares all your judgement.
    It's like being drunk, you lack common sense and everyone laughs at you.

  4. #2239
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  5. #2240
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    Glasgow Rangers manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Football and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Scotland.

    Two weeks later the 'Gers are 4-0 down to Aberdeen with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.

    The lad is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Rangers! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

    When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in Scottish football.?

    "Hello mum, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."


    "Wonderful," says his mum,
    "Let me tell you about my day.
    Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time."


    The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."




    "Sorry!!! Sorry!!! " says his mum,

    "It's your bloody fault we moved to Glasgow in the first place!"
    "A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'

  6. #2241
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    The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness.

    Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
    "A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'

  7. #2242
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matra et Alpine View Post
    The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness.

    Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
    uh-oh

  8. #2243
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matra et Alpine View Post
    The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness.

    Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
    what if the three best friends are insane?
    Andreas Preuninger, Manager of Porsche High Performance Cars: "Grandmas can use paddles. They aren't challenging."

  9. #2244
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    what if your the only sane person on the planet?

    how would you tell?

    maybe your the only INsane one.

    think about it.
    Weekly Quote -

    Dick

  10. #2245
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    lulz at the soccer joke.
    The Datto will rage again...

  11. #2246
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    geek jokes with a calculator

    the equation is

    y= 2cos X
    Attached Images Attached Images
    I'm dropping out to create a company that starts with motorcycles, then cars, and forty years later signs a legendary Brazilian driver who has a public and expensive feud with his French teammate.

  12. #2247
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingofthering View Post
    geek jokes with a calculator

    the equation is

    y= 2cos X
    Saggy boobs?
    Weekly Quote -

    Dick

  13. #2248
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    i lol'ed
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Andreas Preuninger, Manager of Porsche High Performance Cars: "Grandmas can use paddles. They aren't challenging."

  14. #2249
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingofthering View Post
    geek jokes with a calculator

    the equation is

    y= 2cos X
    I remember doing that with my friends when I was learning sin curves in Math B.

    Ah, good times.

    BTW, the Ti-84 Plus is a wonderful calculator. Puz Pack makes classes go by so quickly.

  15. #2250
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    A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything seems to be OK, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently to you, but your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'

    Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, 'You've got £9,000 compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch.'

    The bloke perks up at this.

    'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'

    So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day.
    'So' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?'
    'I have.' says the fellow.
    'And has she helped you in making the decision?'
    'She has' says the bloke.
    'And what is it?' asks the doctor...


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    'We're having a new kitchen.'
    "A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'

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