Have A Funny Or Embarrasing Story?

[cargirl1990]

i wonder if it's been done on UCP before...
you know what to do. its a good way to let off some steam too.

[clutch-monkey]

shit, where to begin

- first time on driving exam i drove the wrong way down a street, and over the speed limit to boot

- once at an exam afterparty i was kicked off campus because i came out of the toilets with no pants on, with a dust bin over my head, proclaiming myself the "king of no pants"

etc etc

[Roentgen]

shit, where to begin

- first time on driving exam i drove the wrong way down a street, and over the speed limit to boot

- once at an exam afterparty i was kicked off campus because i came out of the toilets with no pants on, with a dust bin over my head, proclaiming myself the "king of no pants"

etc etc

Sir, you have my respect.

[cargirl1990]

^ wow.
i was a notorious farter in the 5th grade.
in elementary, i had a few accidents.
i roofed my lunch box

[blackcat77]

Back in the 80s, neon colors were very fashionable for bike clothing. I was on a ride wearing my neon yellow Lycra bike pants and got caught out in a rain storm. I didn't know that they became transparent when wet. I guess I'm lucky that I only got honked at and laughed at for about 10 miles instead of being arrested for public indecency.

[DesmoRob]

Just two weeks ago, we had a torrential downpour in the valley. I'm talking rain so hard and so dense you couldn't see within a few feet ahead of you. Anyway, I was caught in it with my scooter. The water was overflowing out of the storm sewers, and it was about 12" deep in the worst places. Each time a car drove past, a massive wave came towering up over and smashing down on me. Then when traffic was stopped, I was calves deep in the city's disgusting overflow. I lost count of the number of people pointing and laughing. Needless to say, the scooter was clean as a whistle afterward.

[pimento]

You need one of what I have.. the CTs were designed to be able to ford shallow rivers, so you'd have been fine then!

[DesmoRob]

You need one of what I have.. the CTs were designed to be able to ford shallow rivers, so you'd have been fine then!

What is a CT and who makes it? All my search brought up was hospital equipment.

[Suka]

At about 1 in the morning in the centre of my village I thought "now would be a good time to take my trousers off (I was very drunk) so I could say I had been in the middle of the village with no trousers". Well I looked around and all seemed good then as soon as I took them off a Police car came round the corner...damn.

[DesmoRob]

haha, the trouser story reminds me of another one of my own.

So it was about 3 years ago (by the way this is when I found out my gf was a true keeper). Anyways, we were walking down the beach together on a chilly November late night. I decide, I really need to take a crap! The public rest rooms on the beach were locked in order to prevent vandalism during the cold months. I didn't want to drive home 20 minutes just to do my business, so I started looking for other options. I thought it would be a good idea to shit off the back of a park bench. So, off I went to the closest bench and hung my back end off it. Here's where I make my mistake. I forgot that when you go number 2, you automatically also go number 1, whether you like it or not. Because I didn't keep this in mind, I had forgotten to pack my junk on the same side of the bench that my ass was hanging over, and instead it was looming directly over top of my pants. So, I pissed them.

While my girlfriend was busy beating Donovan Bailey's record back from my Jetta with napkins that we got from the pizza shop earlier (I also forgot I'd eventually need to wipe), I had already dismounted the bench and was walking wide legged toward her with my head hung in shame. "What's wrong?" she said "never mind" I answered.

I ended up at her house that night, commando, in a pair of her dad's old sweat pants, because mine were out of service for the day.

[Roentgen]

haha, the trouser story reminds me of another one of my own.

So it was about 3 years ago (by the way this is when I found out my gf was a true keeper). Anyways, we were walking down the beach together on a chilly November late night. I decide, I really need to take a crap! The public rest rooms on the beach were locked in order to prevent vandalism during the cold months. I didn't want to drive home 20 minutes just to do my business, so I started looking for other options. I thought it would be a good idea to shit off the back of a park bench. So, off I went to the closest bench and hung my back end off it. Here's where I make my mistake. I forgot that when you go number 2, you automatically also go number 1, whether you like it or not. Because I didn't keep this in mind, I had forgotten to pack my junk on the same side of the bench that my ass was hanging over, and instead it was looming directly over top of my pants. So, I pissed them.

While my girlfriend was busy beating Donovan Bailey's record back from my Jetta with napkins that we got from the pizza shop earlier (I also forgot I'd eventually need to wipe), I had already dismounted the bench and was walking wide legged toward her with my head hung in shame. "What's wrong?" she said "never mind" I answered.

I ended up at her house that night, commando, in a pair of her dad's old sweat pants, because mine were out of service for the day.

wow... that's strong... haha

[clutch-monkey]

haha, the trouser story reminds me of another one of my own.

So it was about 3 years ago (by the way this is when I found out my gf was a true keeper). Anyways, we were walking down the beach together on a chilly November late night. I decide, I really need to take a crap! The public rest rooms on the beach were locked in order to prevent vandalism during the cold months. I didn't want to drive home 20 minutes just to do my business, so I started looking for other options. I thought it would be a good idea to shit off the back of a park bench. So, off I went to the closest bench and hung my back end off it. Here's where I make my mistake. I forgot that when you go number 2, you automatically also go number 1, whether you like it or not. Because I didn't keep this in mind, I had forgotten to pack my junk on the same side of the bench that my ass was hanging over, and instead it was looming directly over top of my pants. So, I pissed them.

While my girlfriend was busy beating Donovan Bailey's record back from my Jetta with napkins that we got from the pizza shop earlier (I also forgot I'd eventually need to wipe), I had already dismounted the bench and was walking wide legged toward her with my head hung in shame. "What's wrong?" she said "never mind" I answered.

I ended up at her house that night, commando, in a pair of her dad's old sweat pants, because mine were out of service for the day.

that's great

back in my teenage years i got a chance to shoot some 15th century matchlock pistol.
all my prior experience had been with somewhat more reliable modern firearms, self contained ammo etc etc.
so for one thing i wasn't used to the fact that it wouldn't fire twice out of every five attempts, but it was something i could look out for.

no, what i hadn't had any conception was that the lock time of a matchlock is much, much longer than a modern firearm, in which you pull the trigger and it fires near simultaneously, rather than having to wait for a goddamned match to ignite some powder in a little pan next to the chamber.

so i pull the trigger, and it doesn't fire...or so i thought.
thinking to myself, goddamnit, maybe the match has been snuffed out - BOOM

powder smoke all in my face, since i'd brought the damn thing down to the side, still facing downrange but i was now facing it side on..just enough to get a lung full of the powder smoke when it went off.
coughing like mad for the next 5 minutes!

[switters78]

I have a 2 and 1/2 month old daughter, and couple weeks ago, I was holding her up to give her a kiss, and right when I went to kiss her, she spit up...in my mouth!

My wife walks into the room to see me spitting something across the room and the baby sitting in my lap with grin on her face.

[IBrake4Rainbows]

I used to work at a Subway Sandwich shop, and I'd become so used to customer service fakery EG THANKS ^__^ that one day, when I'd actually gone to the counter to buy something, after I'd pay, the guys says "thanks very much!" and I say "Enjoy your meal!"

FML.

[whiteballz]

You know regi, I can actually picture you doing that.