Funny Jokes ... WARNING: may offend

[2ndclasscitizen]

[Jack_Bauer]

Was gonna post this yesterday but thought it may have been a tad insensitive so soon after the incident. Anywho....

[kingofthering]

Two comedians walk into a bar. The bartender says "what is this, a joke?"

[Vaigra]

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.......

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived
Date: April 6, 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and
you are allowed to send emails. I've just arrived and have been checked
in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as
mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

[Zytek_Fan]

[Quiggs]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?



Nothing you haven't already told her twice.

[CdocZ]

Vaigra - that was amazing. Just thought I'd inform you on the awesomality of that joke.

EDIT: its not really a joke, but I found it funny. So, my friend is writing this paper for a religion class, and he's pretty fed up with it. So he decides to write something about "God accepting the 'transcendental afro trouser-snake' into Himself". The teacher, upon hearing that, was confused, and said "wow, David, that was really deep sounding, want to explain?" "Well.....its kind of complicated....but God likes them particularly in His mouth." Afro Trouser-Snakes - just take a guess.

[targa]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?



Nothing you haven't already told her twice.

there's a variation of that on Be Cool

"what do you tell a man with two black eyes?

nothing. he's already been told twice"

[QuattroMan]

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God
appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who
were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were
dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.

The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles
long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there
was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be
the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not
fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in
this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

[ZeTurbo]

Two comedians walk into a bar. The bartender says "what is this, a joke?"

WOW... I laughed SO hard... gold!

[Zytek_Fan]

[2ndclasscitizen]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha, those are awesome, so awesome that I though I'd add one.

[acemotorsport]

i got one
i put my finger up to you ..I..
its not funny

[2ndclasscitizen]

No, you're right, it wasn't.

One more:

[2ndclasscitizen]

Ok, I lied. One more: