Page 217 of 219 FirstFirst ... 117167207215216217218219 LastLast
Results 3,241 to 3,255 of 3285

Thread: Funny Jokes ... WARNING: may offend

  1. #3241
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    95616
    Posts
    5,357
    Did you hear about VW's ketchup?

    Did You Know Volkswagen Sells Ketchup And Sausage?

    The hellaflush/fitment guys slammed it to the ground with less than stellar results.

    I'm dropping out to create a company that starts with motorcycles, then cars, and forty years later signs a legendary Brazilian driver who has a public and expensive feud with his French teammate.

  2. #3242
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    nr Edinburgh, Whisky-soaked Scotland
    Posts
    27,775
    Attached Images Attached Images
    "A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'

  3. #3243
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Way Down South
    Posts
    2,734
    A guy had an interesting experience recently involving an "older" woman he met at a bar. She looked pretty darn HOT for 62. She was drinking quite a bit, and while they were chatting, she came right out and asked him if he'd ever had a "sportsman's double" - a mother and daughter threesome.

    He said no, but she might be able to talk him into it. So she slams back one last drink, wipes her mouth, and looking directly into his eyes, she tells him, "Tonight's your lucky night."

    So they go back to her place, she clicks on the hall light right as they enter, and she shouts upstairs,

    "Mom! You still awake?"
    Never own more cars than you can keep charged batteries in...

  4. #3244
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Way Down South
    Posts
    2,734
    An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"

    The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.

    When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

    Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"

    The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.
    Never own more cars than you can keep charged batteries in...

  5. #3245
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    430
    A (black) underclassmen today showed me a pair of wire strippers proclaiming "when I squeeze it it looks like a bug." So I tell her "yeah, maybe an african bug."
    "Don't think your time on bad things
    Just float your little mind around"
    Jimi Hendrix

  6. #3246
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Perth, Australia
    Posts
    3,560
    I told a woman today that I though she had been using too much Botox.

    She did not look surprised.
    Chief of Secret Police and CFO - Brotherhood of Jelly
    No Mr. Craig, I expect you to die! On the inside. Of heartbreak. You emo bitch

  7. #3247
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Way Down South
    Posts
    2,734
    A Scotsman was walking with his boy – he pointed out a fence and told the boy, “I built that fence, every last board, but do they call me McGregor the fence builder?? NAAA!

    Further on, McGregor pointed out a boat to his boy telling him, “I built that boat I did, every board, every knot, every rope and sail, but do they call me McGregor the boat builder??? NAAAAA!

    Further still McGregor points out a rock wall….”I hauled every rock for that wall, layed every line, set the mortor and it stands today, but do they call me McGregor the rock mason??? NAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

    But ya SHAG ONE WEEEEE GOAT!!!!!!!
    Never own more cars than you can keep charged batteries in...

  8. #3248
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    10,227
    Quote Originally Posted by csl177 View Post
    A Scotsman was walking with his boy – he pointed out a fence and told the boy, “I built that fence, every last board, but do they call me McGregor the fence builder?? NAAA!

    Further on, McGregor pointed out a boat to his boy telling him, “I built that boat I did, every board, every knot, every rope and sail, but do they call me McGregor the boat builder??? NAAAAA!

    Further still McGregor points out a rock wall….”I hauled every rock for that wall, layed every line, set the mortor and it stands today, but do they call me McGregor the rock mason??? NAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

    But ya SHAG ONE WEEEEE GOAT!!!!!!!
    I didn't know McGregor was Matra's byename!

  9. #3249
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    nr Edinburgh, Whisky-soaked Scotland
    Posts
    27,775
    usually sheep for the Fifers !!
    "A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'

  10. #3250
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    10,227
    Why do Fifers always get grief?!

  11. #3251
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    nr Edinburgh, Whisky-soaked Scotland
    Posts
    27,775
    ^^ hierarchy :-)

    just as America >> Canada >> Newfies ;-)
    "A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'

  12. #3252
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    10,227
    Oh dear.

    Where do highlanders rank then?!

  13. #3253
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    nr Edinburgh, Whisky-soaked Scotland
    Posts
    27,775
    Rumour is Fife >> Highlander ....... just like Newfie >> Torontonians ( Trawnonians? )

    couldn't resist

    You confirmed flight times ?? from where ?
    "A woman without curves is like a road without bends, you might get to your destination quicker but the ride is boring as hell'

  14. #3254
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    4

    Prob a re-post sorry if it is - newbie saying hello

    An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life. All of a sudden a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes. "Well, now." says the old lady "I guess I would like to be really rich." *POOF* her rocking chair turns to solid gold. "And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess." *POOF* she turns into a beautiful young woman. "Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them. "Ooh-can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.*POOF* there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly inagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear "Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."

  15. #3255
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    4
    This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.

    "Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says.

    The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.

    Well, American beer," he replies quite bemused.

    "Aaaahhh. There's your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers.. you should try drinking Guinness.

    That makes things grow."

    Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face.

    He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.

    "I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor.

    "Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I've got the wife on American beer!"

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 3 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 3 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. is this funny?
    By r34_296kw in forum Miscellaneous
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 05-31-2004, 12:38 AM
  2. Joke of the day
    By Kudosdude in forum Miscellaneous
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-18-2003, 01:34 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •