In the beginning; there was spam.
From this spam whiteballz and clutch-monkey cast jelly forth.
From this jelly a great battle of jealousy erupted, and caused the mod team to delete the spammed thread from existence of the UCP quadrant of the web.
Despite the complete destruction of the thread containing the chronicles of the first jelly war, the two adversaries bided their time until new territory could be found.
The next habitable thread was found, created by an unsuspecting spammer whoring certain products -The second jelly war erupted soon after both leaders made their presence felt in the thread. If anything, this battle was the most fierce ever to shake the UCP mainframe.
During the second battle it became clear that both adversaries had more to gain protecting the jelly from the evil MODS, who after several tentative strikes discovered they had a lust to turn the pure jelly into a cheap televised wrestling material. The mods had chosen their time well, having waited until both leaders had achieved neutralisation of each others minions, as well as the destruction of the last remaining dose of trigulijuice.
In the end, the jelly was lost, but the two sams’ combined their immense skills to fend off the mods and their skirt wearing elites to produce a far superior jelly based product to be used in a new series of jelly wrestling.
..Thus the Brotherhood of Jelly was formed
With the spastic roach ushered in as Grand vizier due to his sterling reconnaissance work, the numbers and security of the brotherhood grew. This was augmented soon after by the addition of Cyco and his secret police.
The enemy probed our defenses using incompetent spies such as 'jakg' and 'tvr_is_king". These tools of the enemies were quickly shut out due to Cyco's quick actions, but in response a covert ops group was formed under international agent Vaigra.
Unfortunately at this time the brotherhood had only half of its leadership present; the other half had been kidnapped by an enemy agent that had infiltrated the Praetorian Guard. Mr. T was used as a temporary leader with the 2nd Sam's absence, however pressure from the fruit empire led to his deployment in the field.
in the mean time, the resources of Cyco's secret police, Vaigra's covert ops forces, and Fly_girl's Praetorian guard were pooled to initiate a plan that would rescue the missing leader. it would not be easy: to quote our grand vizier at the time, "their defense will be harder to penetrate than a 16yr old virgin.”
Simultaneously the brotherhood’s funds were used to finance a fleet of Lada’s for supply and assault purposes. Unsure of who was to have jurisdiction over them, a transport fleet was formed under Sauc3, the latest member to the brotherhood. This new vehicle formation ensured all defenses had sufficient supplies, as well as forming our first vehicular assault unit. When combined with egg launchers, they presented our first effective method of attack against MacDonald’s
New enemy weapons, such as the dreaded fruit smoothie, put our forces at risk, resulting in intense damage to Mr. T, who was only saved by the intervention of King Kong and hasselhoff.
Spastic Roach put enemy forces at ease, by pretending to set up celebratory Gypsy buses for the brotherhood, but this was really a cover as over half our forces committed itself to a raid that was hoped would free the 2nd Sam of the Apocalypse
Covered by sonic shields produced by the voice of hasselhoff, our forces, led by Cyco, moved through the fruit smoothie barrage unscathed, and were able to restore the other half of the brotherhoods leadership to his rightful place.
With whiteballz returned from being rescued he thanked his forces, and allowed all members to have jelly shots with him in his private bar. With being captive for hours allowed the brotherhoods enemies to make some strong attacks, whiteballz was busy keeping his mind alert by researching a new form of jelly. Warming Jelly. This superior jelly renders all previous jelly obsolete, because the warming jelly lubricates, protects, and increases pleasure to all parts it is applied to. Even in-animate objects that can’t feel pleasure could feel the effects of the jelly.
With our victory over the fruit empire complete, the brotherhood of jelly continued its expansion and re-arming.
Blue-Supra became the head of the newly formed armoured division, with his experience with a 200sx keeping him focused on speed and manoeuvrability. He quickly augmented his jelly-Panzers with laser armed jelly cows. He quickly expanded our defensive perimeter defences to such an extent that for awhile Sauc3’s supply fleet struggled to keep up.
IB4R, our former enemy, decided to reconcile with us in the cause of jelly and furnished us with a complete headquarters. His services to the Brotherhood were not unnoticed, and he was given an ample personal supply of jelly and became the head of our public R&D division. To this day he remains the only MOD member to enter the brotherhood.
For a brief moment during this happy age, Canada threatened us with Trebuchets, however quick response from IB4R meant that all incoming projectiles were shot down by 747’s mounted with lasers using a new, potent jelly-focal lens.
It is at this point that the Scottish one, who formerly terrorized our divisions while wearing a toupee and a skirt, became an effective free agent for all sides, supplying the brotherhood with snippets of information and jelly A110’s. He also remains the one source of the dreaded ‘haggis jelly’, and panders to the rougher elements of the brotherhood by arranging jelly wrestling with fearsome Scottish women.
In this time of relative peace, the Grand Vizier procured a personal weapons collection for himself, as well as two female bodyguards. These actions brought up the question of whether it was ethical to handle ‘jelly implants’ found in females. This topic was to gain more importance when fembots were found infiltrating our home base.
At this point it became necessary to liberate Italy from foreign MacDonald troops, who were also holding the grapevines in the region hostage, preventing the production of new delicious grape based jelly. Despite initial success we were overstretched and the operation unravelled rapidly. We were able to collect the fruit and retreat with our commanders intact, but the grapevines themselves and Sicily were completely destroyed. Fortunately our new Air marshal timed his arrival perfectly, and the remaining commanders were able to hole up at his house in Dubai to avoid a MacDonald’s counter-attack.
At present all is stable despite the apparent lockdown of the Jelly HQ. Our Grand Vizier was last seen receiving a full body massage by his two female attendants using a pre-production sample of the new grape jelly, and all commanders remain safe and sound.
Written by Clutch-Monkey & Whiteballz
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Originally Posted by Vaigra
